


Grab the Margarine

by AustralianSpy



Series: Tales de Jim Moriarty [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Explicit Language, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 06:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AustralianSpy/pseuds/AustralianSpy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim Moriarty comes home to find his tiger in quite the predicament.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grab the Margarine

“You can’t be serious.”

“Boss, _I’m serious._ Y’ have t’ help me.”

“I can’t believe you managed this. _How_ did you manage this?”

“None’a yer business. Jus’ help me out, _please._ ”

“I don’t think I will. This is just too damn funny.”

“ _‘S not funny._ ”

“It’s _very_ funny. I think I’ll take a few pictures, so I’ll always remember this moment.”

“Don’t ye _dare_.”

“How’re you going to stop me, eh? With your head stuck in a—”

“ _Shu’ up-_!!”

“I absolutely won’t. What do you expect me to do, anyways, you oaf? Your head’s too big. I can’t just push it back out the other way.”

“But boss!! Jus’... jus’ get some margarine ‘r somethin’. Do _somethin’_.”

“I am doing something. I’m recording you.”

“ _Put yer fuckin’ cell away._ ”

“Ah ah ah, mind your tongue.”

“ _Please,_ bossman! Margarine!”

“I don’t think we have enough of the stuff in the house to remove your giant head. What exactly do I get out of this, hm?”

“The satisfaction o’ slatherin’ my ‘ead with buttery-stuffs?”

“That _would_ be terribly satisfying...”

“So go on, then!”

“Nooo... I want something _more._ Besides, I’ve just said that we haven’t got enough margarine in the house. Last I checked, we were almost out.”

“Ye never check ‘ow much groceries we’ve got.”

“I do _sometimes._ So I know for a fact it won’t do you any good.”

“Then... then... go get lube!”

“Ha! That might be even funnier. What are you going to do when it doesn’t work? I’ll have to call someone, and they’ll come in with your head dripping with lube. How embarrassing for you.”

“I hate you, ye know.”

“Oh, I do. Maybe we can just chop it up. Get you out that way.”

“ _Nuh uh._ No way I’m lettin’ ye near my ‘ead with some saw or somethin’. Ain’t no way.”

“Shall I leave you, then? To caterwaul?”

“ _I want ye t’ help_!”

“I’ve just offered to, you ninny.”

“No’ like that!”

“Too bad, then. I’ll just leave you to it.”

“BOSS.”

“Indoor voices!”

“Fine. Fine. _Fine._ Ye can cu’ me out.”

“I don’t want to, anymore.”

“Bu’—!”

“I might be enticed back into it, though.”

“... ‘Ow?”

“I think, perhaps, if you were to promise to wear suits for the next two weeks, I might be persuaded into cutting you loose.”

“... No. No way.”

“Bye, then. I’m retiring to my study.”

“No-!!”

“Then promise...”

“... Fine.”

“Good boy. Sit tight.”


End file.
